Agree to Disagree

As somebody who is literally about to turn 19 tomorrow obviously I’ve been doing some reflection on my 18th year. I’m also realizing that I disagree with my mother more and more. Naturally I will always love and respect her, but I’m okay with some healthy disagreement. Both of us were born in Cameroon, but I was raised here since coming at the age of three. So we do have somewhat of cultural difference that seems more apparent as the years pass. When I was younger for the most part what my mom believed I believed, but nowadays blindly believing what she believes without questioning only hurts me. this does not mean I should actively oppose her as much as possible. For example not too long ago I decided to go back to natural, meaning that as a black woman I will not put perm or any chemical substance made to “tame” and straighten my hair. I came to this point when my hair became extremely damaged and broke off. She suggested that I stop perming so my hair would grow back; as it grew in I was impressed with what grew out my head. It was coily, wiry, woolen, basically everything I was taught to believe is wrong, so why did I like it so much? Now my hair is healthier than ever before but that does not mean that I still don’t face criticism from my mom, who makes it clear that she disapprove my coarse texture. To her only those with looser bouncier hair deemed “good hair” is worthy of being free otherwise cover your hair. It has been a lot over the years to handle sometimes as my weight is simultaneously criticized. What I aim to do this year is to stop worrying about it, because at the end of the day I am who I get my sense of identity and confidence from and I have the right to accept or reject the opinions that can damage that.


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