Pre-birthday musings

Today is my last day of being 19 and I can say that this was definitely an interesting year. It feels like my 19th birthday was just yesterday, it’s crazy. Now I am accepting 20 with open arms because I know that there is a lot in store for me. I have yet to take my drivers license test which is next Saturday so hopefully I start my 20th year with my drivers license at last! I am grateful to have gotten in the nursing program and it is going well so far, there is a lot of material to study but that is something I accepted coming in. I do know that I with hard work I can achieve a promising career in whatever field of nursing I choose. I also will try harder to strengthen my current relationships and branch out more to people as I have already started to do. This year I want to try some new things and take some risks by going out of my comfort zone which can be as small as speaking up more. I will also to make sure that nobody makes me feel bad for working so hard and studying so much. Basically  I still have some growing up to do and that’s fine I’m excited to see what 20 will bring me!

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Rise and Grind

It’s been a long time since I last posted anything, I can be a bit flaky when it comes to writing and that is okay. Since my last post I finally finished drivers ed (whew) and somewhat conquered my fear of driving on the highway. My driver’s license appointment is in October and I can’t wait to finally hold a license in my hands and feel the freedom of the road (once I finally get a car). The nursing program has already began for me and it’s not at all easy like I suspected, but I can firmly say that most if not all the members of my nursing class are an incredibly nice group of people. We all have a sense of solidarity even though we are all from different walks of life. I also have a new roommate since my previous one transferred out last minute. My new roommate is nice and respects my space, for the most part. She is however completely different from me personality wise, which is totally fine. While I am introverted and take my time in warming up to people, she is a social butterfly with a whole squad of friends. Me on the other hand has a very small circle of really close people. For the most part this works out fine, but I get the feeling that she believes that I am boring or that she pities me. Since I am a nursing major taking 19 credits this semester, that does not leave me with much time to hang around. Typically I’m always doing school work and my workload isn’t even in full swing yet. Now she sees me in the room studying and exclaims that I need to get out more (I do, but geez harsh) she then invites me to some party the African club at my school is having off campus. Point blank I do not want to go, especially since the whole thing seems like some pity tagalong setup. Second I don’t like to get in a car with people I don’t know ,call me lame but I can’t put my life in somebody’s hands like that willingly. There are a plethora of reasons not to go, so I’ll just say that I’m not going. I will make a better attempt to join a club this semester and also get closer to my nursing buddies. I might even take myself out of my comfort zone and even join the ballroom dancing club who knows! I am trying my hardest however to stay focused these last 2 years and at the end of it I will be a registered nurse with lots of dreams.

driving me crazy part 2: life update

Two months ago I was contemplating switching majors to biology since I was still on the waiting list for the nursing program at my school. Since then a lot has happened. I was finally admitted to the nursing program to begin in the fall! After closing from school in mid May I have been doing the things that I need to start clinicals in the fall. This consists of passing online training, getting a background check, drug screening, cpr training and more. It’s a  lot, but it will all be worth it. I also had a wonderful GPA of 3.91 which shocked me very much after a hard semester dealing with Anatomy and Physiology. This summer I hoped very much to get a job like last summer; I worked for the Handwork Studio in D.C. since moving I am too far to commute there but I do wish I had applied to work there because some employment would have been nice. I applied to many stores that are in my area, but the only place that replied was Torrid, a plus size store at the mall. I went in for my interview in May and sadly did  not get a call back, which was sad, but maybe stems from the fact that I dont have much retail experience, I mostly have childcare experience. I may just try babysitting just to make a little money to help me pay for all the supplies I need for the nursing program. Another goal of mine this summer is to finally finish drivers ed. I long finised the classroom portion of my education, but because of school and scheduling issues I am just now attending my last behind the wheel portion of the class. It will be rather scary because they will take me on the higway for my first time but I am trying to remain calm and collected. Yesterday my dad let me drive his car to the dollar store and back since it is just a 10 minute drive from his house. I was much better than I was in the fall and I remained calm. This past winter I was supposed to have my last drivng session and go on the highway, but I postponed it since I was scared out of my mind. This time I really need to be strong and believe in myself and soon I’ll join the driving population! Wish me luck.

Nursing program update: will I continue?

I know it’s been a while since I have posted anything, but I have been very busy with my schoolwork. In February I had said that my nursing program application was still processing. In mid to late March I finally did get a response that was bittersweet. Thankfully I was not outright rejected but I was placed on the waiting list. It was kinda of sad to hear because I am the sort of person that just expects academic success for somebody who has always achieved it was a bit of a hard pill to swallow. This is especially sad because I applied to the nursing program last semester as well (knowing that I did not have the prerequisites yet but I was so excited) and of course I was rejected. My adviser among others assures me that I am a good student and that I should not worry since she believes that I am a strong candidate yet she has suggested to me several times that a major change would be a good idea which does worry me a bit to be honest. She pushes Health Science a lot as a major, and while it is a nice subject job prospects can be slim. What makes it worse is that Fall registration has already started last week and after still not hearing anything about my status on the waiting list I worry that this fall I will be wasting my time taking a few courses since I would have already completed my prerequisite courses for the nursing program. Some people suggested that I take a gap semester to work while I apply again which is not an idea that I like very much since I aim to graduate on time. My mom called me the other day and echoed the worries that I already had for my college career, she knew that I would feel cheated if I take health sciences or a semester off because both options would make me graduate later than I planned. After our conversation I came to the conclusion that I would consider switching to be a biology major (like I originally came to college to be). I would do biology since a good amount of the prerequisites that I have already taken can apply to the major. It is also pretty flexible since I can even take the coursework in the summer or winter breaks and it could potentially make me graduate a whole year earlier if I play my cards right. after I graduate I could have my pick of programs to enter. As a biology major I could choose optometry school; since I also completed nursing prerequisites I can actually enter a nursing masters program for the people that were originally non nursing majors. I will see a general adviser this Wednesday to weigh the possibilities and finally register for fall classes. I am hopeful that things will finally come together. This kind of struggle is not new to college students at all so if anybody reads this know that sometimes what you plan to do will not be the thing that you finally do and that is okay.

Nursing program hopeful

I just received an email today confirming that all of my application materials for the nursing program at my school are complete. Now I need to wait until the end of march to hear the verdict hopefully it is a good one but I have been thinking of some plan B’s if I am not accepted because one has to smart. I’ve considered perhaps taking on a minor such as gerontology or psychology then applying to the nursing program once again for entrance into the spring semester. Or I could change my major completely to health sciences or  health managent which are both majors that would accept my prerequisites so that I can graduate on time in summer 2018. Until then I have a full month to worry lets hope for the best.

Transfer student blues

Okay I feel like I have a part in making it hard for myself to settle as a transfer student here at my new school. Lately I’ve found myself restless yet tired and the cause is  the same tedious routine day in and day out. I haven’t really made any new friends besides my roommate and a couple of old high school pals here. Because of that each day is just a cycle of waking up, going to class, doing homework and so on. I have really underestimated how easy it is to feel small in a big school. Weekends are far worse; I think staying inside my dorm all day can be unbearable; this small room can feel like a cage at times, the door is open but I’m too scared to walk out. Today we had a snow day and all classes were cancelled which slightly disappointed me because I felt trapped for an extra day. I am aware however that some of this is partly self inflicted partly from laziness and partly from fear. It’s all about effort on my part now I see what effects lack of effort can do to me. I think this is teaching me a lot about myself as well. Maybe I am not as independent as I would like to think  myself to be and I need people and human activity around me. I think its all about balance. I will go to a club meeting this week if it kills me because this cannot go on.

a period of Grief

 

This past weekend I made the trip home to attend the wake keeping of my grandfather’s eldest brother. I remember hearing the sad news a month ago and we visited my grandfather everyday to comfort him. What saddened me the most is that I never got to know him since I last saw him as a baby and I missed out on seeing him  this December because I couldn’t make the trip back to Cameroon.  On Sunday , the day after the wake keeping, we went to visit my grandmother’s younger sister who flew here fall 2015 because of an unidentified illness. The last time I saw her months ago she was stronger and could at least walk and talk. I was shocked to see the poor state she was in recently. It was terrible she had lost significant weight, all her hair was gone and she couldn’t talk let alone look at us. I learned that I was Ovarian Cancer that look her life. My family gathered around to pray for her and offer words of encouragement.  As they were telling her she would get better I knew in my heart that she wouldn’t , but I tried to brush that feeling off and think positive like I usually try to do. Today as I was doing my homework, my sister called and as soon as she said there was bad news I knew immediately what it was. I feel terrible pain right now but nothing can rival how my grandma and the her sister’s children feel right now. All I can be right now is grateful that she is finally not in pain anymore and I regret not being able to know her better. I just saw her and she is gone just like that . Life is unfunnily funny like that . May she rest in peace. ❤ ❤ ❤